OMG APPLE ARE TRACKING ME!!!

While this has been quite the subject of late and everyone likes to have an opinion about it...

I have this short honest reply to ALL OF YOU

"Who gives a shit ... nobody is ever going to use this data to track any of you; you're NOT THAT important."

If you are so worried about someone tracking you I have 1 question and 1 suggestion.

Question: what the fuck did you do to think someone would be tracking you?
Suggestion: Ask the FBI for some Black-Ops phone... You muppet...

iPad, love to hate... hate to love

First of all. "Hate to love"!? wtf does that mean? It's what popped into my head so for the moment you will just have to deal with it. If I come up with something better and change the title then this will be EXCEPTIONALLY confusing but none the less... hate to love...

The "Apple iPad" was a STUPID STUPID STUPID device! Its the perfect size for an eReader BUT uses a true LCD screen that sucks the juice... why not just get a Kindle that uses smart E-Ink and ONLY uses battery when changing pages...

"Oh its so great I just lay out the couch and browse the web" Really... is it that awesome... IT DOESNT EVEN DO FLASH... OMG its been out for how many years now and its browsers STILL arent flash compatible. How many major sites use FLASH for coding now, its so ridiculous that this mainstream, over popular and epically expensive device still doesnt have flash support.

Also while we are on a lists of it does not have...

Its camera is worse than the first digital camera I owned over 10 years ago
The memory is not expandable at all... c'mon... please... SD card... how hard would it have been...
Any attempt to display picture elseware that could be done via HDMI on any other device similar to this if it wasnt made by Apple...or even your proprietary mini display "thunderbolt" could have been used but you decided no... we will make you buy an adapter for your stupid 30pin adapter that you refuse to let go of...

The most annoying thing about your stupid, stupid STUPID tablet.. is how bad I want one...

The problem is your interface is so familiar (being an iPhone user) and I can get this tablet set up exactly how I want it in moments. I can sync exactly what is on my phone onto the tablet so no matter which device everything is the same...

But... this was the real seller...

I come home to my beautiful, beautiful wife and she has already been home for a few hours, watched her favourite shows and wants to show me everything she can to spend as much time as she can for the short moments we now have between arriving home and going to sleep each night. I love her for that but what do I wanna do after an average day at work... I want to watch some shows, some shows that she DOES NOT want to watch. Perfect example "Sons of Guns" if you havent seen it get it... I get on my train, sit down. Watch all the shows I ever wanted to watch *queues diary of a call girl* without offending and when I get home I am chilled out and want to spend all teh time I can with my wife.

With this magical tablet I can listen to my music, view all my photos at a details size, keep up with my work emails on the way home (as perhaps I have left a little bit earlier than I should have), watch shows on a screen big enough that I dont get cramps in my hand from holding a phone up to my face for an hour.

I don't care that its so controlled but a money hungry super power. I dont care that I have to buy a stupid 30pin adapter for every plug i want to stick in it. Why? Because it truely does do everything I want from it, and it does it well!

It's your job to serve me... so f*ck*ng serve me!

There is a common ritual which i'm sure that 99.99% of people undertake each or every other week i'm sure. Normally, the ritual is hassle free. We fill our mechanical pets with food and in return it helps us get us to where we want to go, you with me?


These places that we go are notoriously run or operated but a certain... type... or person and I have this to say to them.


Whether it is busy or not I do not want to walking in with you talking on your phone and be looking at me like i'm interrupting you! I can clearly tell if it was an emergency work call or not and i'm very VERY confident it never is. Also if you are talking on your phone WHY ARE YOU TALKING ON LOUD SPEAKER WHEN SPEAKING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE!? There is only 1 difference between that and speaking into it the normal way and that is the difference between pissing everyone off around you OR not pissing everyone off around you. really... REALLY what are you trying to achieve? You have perplexed me... 


Also, DO NOT go and sit in your tea room (usually again on the phone) and pretend that you have not heard that I have walked into the store through your stupid generic store bell or chime because you are sure you will 'miss a good bit' of whatever for foreign show you are watching (yes we hear it when we walk in) and then when you finally do come out there is no apology for your lack of effort or promptness. No sign of "sorry i have kept you waiting" actually no sign of customer service skills... or social skills at all really... So how did you get this job? Stuffed if I know...


Also the 2 above points should be high lighted that they apply when we are trying to fill up!
No wonder people are driving off on you without paying more often these days. They are learning from the life experience that they have just witnessed of how long it took you to push the button on the pump to fill up the car (probably because you were again either 1. on the phone or 2. in your tea room and have thought to myself "will i go in and wait this long again to pay... fuck that"


Perhaps you should think about this and think do I want to serve people? As this is my job description... If the answer is no i have a suggestion.


Go and work in a foreign cinema. You can sit on your arse all night and get paid because no one wants to see that shit. Let someone else do the job of giving me my fuel and let me pay for it without waiting for you to feel like getting off your arse or off your phone. Then I will be much less tempted to punch you in the face when you ask "would i like 2 mars bars to get an extra 2c off a litre" 2c doesn't account for shit... and we are smart enough to know this...

Christmas and why you should be happy about it!

So it's xmas eve!

There is tinsle all through our office, random "christmas balls" on desks and a general excitement for the end of the year and the holidays that come with it.

I like Christmas, it's the time i get to see all my family, uncle's, aunt's, nephew's and niece's. A time to eat way too much but most of all a time to have a couple of drinks, tell a story from the year thats about to be gone and most of all throw on a damn big smile.

Now.. for you Grinches!

Stop being such a sad sack, you're ruining it for everyone else!

There is only 1 reason that is excusable for a Grinch and that is a devastating event that happened at Christmas time. If that's not you then be happy.

If you hate it because the shops are packed and you have to battle with everyone to get to that last Ben 10 doll... this is your fault... be more organised!

If you hate it because you think it is just a ploy by retailers to make money. Then try make something around the home... make a santa out of glued pasta to paper or something if you think that will make a child happy because here's the kicker.

CHRISTMAS IS NOT ABOUT YOU

It's about everyone else.

It's a time where you sacrifice something of yours to en-richen someone else's life. If you have nothing to give them for whatever reason. You can still give up some of your time. You are not that busy you can't help someone carry something or even pull a funny face to make a kid laugh who has been dragged around the shops for too long...

Make them make you smile.

Simple!

Merry Christmas

 

Raw meat and why I hate it...

I feel this needs to continue on from my shellfish comment as near the same rules apply...


Think for me what is man's greatest achievement?
The one thing we use every day, the thing that when discovered revolutionized our race... that thing... is fire. 


Meat is prepared, and cooked for many reasons but why it SHOULD be cooked is simple. It is the cooking of meat that that separates us from primitive apes... I could take a wild flailing mouth full out of the next animal that crosses my path which is only one step below what people who eat raw meat do.


It goes, 
Hunt and ravage the weak and young like a pack animal -> prepare meat like a normal human but then submit to your primal habits and eat it raw like a primitive pack animal then -> prepare, season and cook your meat and be satisfied that your meal is not only better tasting because this is the BEST way that meat should be prepared but also have the satisfaction of knowing that when you go home you belong in that home... and not in a cave...


DG

Shellfish and why I hate it...

People can't seem to understand why I can't stand to even look at let alone eat shellfish so luckily for you I'm here to explain.

Prawns,shrimp, crayfish, lobster and squid... keep that shit away from me.

It's very simple to understand let me lay it down for you.

I loooooooove a steak, gimme a steak every day for a year and you will NEVER hear me say "I don't feel like steak tonight" 

1. Because steak is delicious and

2. Because steak isn't cow...

Do you understand that? i do not look at steak and see a cow... black and white... standing with 4 legs, swatting flies with its tail... a bell around it's neck.. whatever your image of a cow is... now...

Prawn, cray, lobster, squid...

The complex is that all these things look the same dead as they did when they were alive...

Mmm steak, do i see legs? do I see a black and white car seat cover? do i see that poo infused tail? do I see a cow bell? No... no I do not...

Lobster... I do see claws, i do see legs, i do see it's eyes... this I do not want to eat...

I was once told of a story where a live Lobster was brought out had all the meat in its tail scalloped out, cooked and then laid back inside itself all while the thing was screaming out with its claws tied up - shame on you...

I cannot and will not eat something that looks the same dead as what it did alive... and either should any of you...

DG

Rant 1.1. Working in IT and all its joys... It's not my fault i can't understand you...

It really isn't...


I am more than happy to help you but you have an accent that I am having trouble understanding because (and yes believe it or not this is your problem) YOUR ENGLISH ISN'T SO GREAT.


If you think we are incompetent because we can never understand what you are asking for and we always seem to mistake what you are saying then maybe just maybe it is your fault?


You are foreign to this country, English is not your first language yet you are arrogant and pushy to get what you want when clearly the whole problem is we don't understand what you want. Hell even you don't know what you want but somehow you expect us to know.


Let me be clear.
You are not special, no more than the next person I have to deal with. You are a specialist in your field? So am I... however I AM NOT A SPECIALIST IN ALL FIELDS otherwise quite simply... I wouldn't be here asking you how you spell your fucking name because there is no way it can interpreted from "shavikahwah" coming down the phone.


DG